The Gentleman Named Potter
by Spinning Furret
Summary: If Harry was a gentleman... Starts with the trial in fifth-year. Features: an infuriatingly polite Harry! an unfailingly unhelpful Ministry! an extremely powerful Harry! Harry is a renowned gentleman, and his reputation precedes him. His politeness and bluntness can lead to some very funny adventures... Manipulative!Harry! Short fifth year AU, written for fun.
1. The Gentleman's Trial

**The Gentleman Named Potter**

**One: The Gentleman's Trial  
**

It was readily apparent to Cornelius Fudge that Potter was late. Dumbledore had arrived, predictably, to defend his Golden Boy.

Harry walked in at that time, cane in hand, and the other hand in a robe pocket. For some it might look like feebleness; not many could properly pull off the look. Harry was one of the few, and he did not look feeble, he looked powerful.

The cane was a magical one and had four hidden wands in it. The base of the cane, where Harry was gripping, was an emerald. The rest of it was made of the strongest wood in the world, teak. The four hidden wands each had a handle of ruby, sapphire, diamond, or pearl, one on each. Each hidden wand had a different core and wood. The cane itself was also magical.

"Apologies for being late, but there was a small matter of time change in a most blatant attempt to force me to possibly miss the trial." Harry said, walking forward to the chair, but not sitting on it.

"This is a disciplinary hearing on the offenses committed by Harry James Potter, resident at Number Four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey. Interrogator and Judge, Minister Cornelius Oswald Fudge. Presiding, Senior Undersecretary Dolores Jane Umbridge. Presiding, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Amelia Bones. Court Scribe, Percival Ignatius Weasley. Defense?"

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore." Dumbledore stated and Harry inclined his head to the left. "Charges?"

"The charges against the accused are as follows. That he did knowingly, in full awareness of the illegality of his actions, produce a Patronus Charm in the presence of the Muggle, in a Muggle-inhabited area. Do you deny producing said Patronus?"

"Not at all." Harry replied politely.

"You are aware that you are forbidden to use magic outside of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry when under the age of seventeen?"

"Completely."

"Witches and wizards of the Wizengamot-"

"Excuse me, Sir Fudge, but if you would allow me to explain the reasons for my actions. I produced a Patronus Charm due to the slight problem of two Dementors attacking myself and my Muggle cousin."

"Clever! Muggles can't see Dementors. Highly convenient. But as you can produce no witnesses of the event-"

Dumbledore interrupted at this point. "Pardon me, Minister, but as it happens, we can..."

* * *

"Please describe the attack." Madam Bones said. Mrs. Figg looked confused. "What did the Dementors look like?"

"Ah. They were big, and cloaked, and completely black. Everything went cold, as though all the happiness had gone from the world-"

"Now, see here, Dementor's don't just wander into a Muggle suburb and just happen upon a wizard, the odds are astronomical, not even Bagman would bet-"

Dumbledore interrupted. "I do not believe the Dementors were there by coincidence, Minister."

A lady wearing a pink hat coughed. "I'm sure I must have misunderstood you, Professor. The Dementors are under the control of the Ministry of Magic. So silly of me, but it sounded for a moment as though you were insinuating that the Ministry had ordered the attack on Mr. Potter."

Dumbledore turned his head to the Undersecretary. "That would be disturbing indeed, Madam Undersecretary, which is why I fully expect the Ministry to put forth a full-scale investigation on why the Dementors were so far from Azkaban and why they mounted an attack without Ministry authorization. Of course, there is someone who might be behind it..." Dumbledore walked closer to the raised chairs where the Minister sat. "Cornelius, I implore you to see reason. The evidence that Voldemort has returned is incontrovertible."

"He's not back!" The Minister said, spittle flying out of his mouth.

Dumbledore began to pace. "The law clearly states that, in the case of a life-threatening situation, magic may be used to defend a witch, wizard, or threatened Muggle."

"Laws can be changed if necessary!" Fudge spat. Harry walked forward and whispered to Dumbledore, who reluctantly sat down at the side.

"That much is obvious, Sir Fudge, as it is practice to hold a full criminal trial for an adult to handle a simple case of underage magic.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Wizengamot, I would like to thank you all for trying me as an adult during this trial. I really couldn't thank you enough. By your own laws, due to trying me as an adult, in the eyes of the law, I am now, officially, an adult. This renders your charges, Sir Fudge, null and void."

Fudge began to splutter.

"Explain!" The Undersecretary spat.

Harry smiled coldly. "Though it certainly isn't stated explicitly in the law books, it is precedent and law that, should an underage wizard or witch be tried in a full adult criminal trial, that underage wizard is considered an adult. I believe that it may have been designed for this exact scenario. It is obvious that the average level of intelligence here has been steadily decreasing ever since your failure to award Sirius Black even the most basic of a sham trial by not allowing a trial at all, and even before that. I do not expect to be in this courtroom again, given the rather bunged-up system you refer to 'justice'. I take my leave." Harry walked to the door and then turned around, and smiled again. "I repeat, ladies and gentleman of the Wizengamot, I couldn't thank you enough. Now, I have some business to attend to."

Harry Potter had a well-established as being a gentleman and extraordinarily to everybody, even his enemies, which infuriated them, which Harry enjoyed seeing.

The business Harry had to attend to was with the Daily Prophet. There was no law, or non-explicitly-stated law, that he couldn't make a recording of his trial. And he was going to allow the Daily Prophet to print it, should they be completely truthful. He was Flooing there from the Ministry.

"Mr. Potter! What do you want?" Barnabas Cuffe, Chief Editor, said with a hard tone. Harry grinned. "Sir Cuffe, I have a news story for you! I was just in a trial and took a recording of it. I'm enquiring as to rather it could be printed in an all-truthful manner. I'd like your word on it."

"Where did you-"

"Sir Cuffe, the trial was on supposed and trumped-up charges against myself."

* * *

_**DAILY PROPHET SPECIAL! MINISTRY HOLDS TRUMPED-UP TRIAL  
AGAINST HARRY POTTER!**_

_Earlier today, Harry Potter visited the offices of the Daily Prophet and allowed us to print this sensational newsstory on a trumped-up trial the Ministry held against Potter. Below we provide you a full recording._

_Potter: Apologies for being late, but there was a small matter of time change in a most blatant attempt to force me to possibly miss the trial.  
_

_Minister: This is a disciplinary hearing on the offenses committed by Harry James Potter, resident at Number Four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey. Interrogator and Judge, Minister Cornelius Oswald Fudge. Presiding, Senior Undersecretary Dolores Jane Umbridge. Presiding, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Amelia Bones. Court Scribe, Percival Ignatius Weasley. Defense?  
_

_Dumbledore: Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Charges?  
_

_Minister: The charges against the accused are as follows. That he did knowingly, in full awareness of the illegality of his actions, produce a Patronus Charm in the presence of the Muggle, in a Muggle-inhabited area. Do you deny producing said Patronus?  
_

_Potter: Not at all.  
_

_Minister: You are aware that you are forbidden to use magic outside of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry when under the age of seventeen?  
_

_Potter: Completely.  
_

_Minister: Witches and wizards of the Wizengamot-  
_

_Potter: Excuse me, Sir Fudge, but if you would allow me to explain the reasons for my actions. I produced a Patronus Charm due to the slight problem of two Dementors attacking myself and my Muggle cousin.  
_

_Minister: Clever! Muggles can't see Dementors. Highly convenient. But as you can produce no witnesses of the event-  
_

_Dumbledore: Pardon me, Minister, but as it happens, we can...  
_

_[...]  
_

_Madam Bones: Please describe the attack. ... What did the Dementors look like?  
_

_Witness: Ah. They were big, and cloaked, and completely black. Everything went cold, as though all the happiness had gone from the world-  
_

_Minister: Now, see here, Dementor's don't just wander into a Muggle suburb and just happen upon a wizard, the odds are astronomical, not even Bagman would bet-  
_

_Dumbledore: I do not believe the Dementors were there by coincidence, Minister.  
_

_Undersecretary: I'm sure I must have misunderstood you, Professor. The Dementors are under the control of the Ministry of Magic. So silly of me, but it sounded for a moment as though you were insinuating that the Ministry had ordered the attack on Mr. Potter.  
_

_Dumbledore: That would be disturbing indeed, Madam Undersecretary, which is why I fully expect the Ministry to put forth a full-scale investigation on why the Dementors were so far from Azkaban and why they mounted an attack without Ministry authorization. The law clearly states that, in the case of a life-threatening situation, magic may be used to defend a witch, wizard, or threatened Muggle.  
_

_Minister: Laws can be changed if necessary!  
_

_Potter: That much is obvious, Sir Fudge, as it is practice to hold a full criminal trial for an adult to handle a simple case of underage magic. Ladies and gentlemen of the Wizengamot, I would like to thank you all for trying me as an adult during this trial. I really couldn't thank you enough. By your own laws, due to trying me as an adult, in the eyes of the law, I am now, officially, an adult. This renders your charges, Sir Fudge, null and void.  
_

_Undersecretary: Explain!  
_

_Potter: Though it certainly isn't stated explicitly in the law books, it is precedent and law that, should an underage wizard or witch be tried in a full adult criminal trial, that underage wizard is considered an adult. I believe that it may have been designed for this exact scenario. It is obvious that the average level of intelligence here has been steadily decreasing ever since your failure to award Sirius Black even the most basic of a sham trial by not allowing a trial at all, and even before that. I do not expect to be in this courtroom again, given the rather bunged-up system you refer to 'justice'. I take my leave.  
_

_That is the full recording of the trial._

* * *

Sirius Black put the paper down. "Harry, how do you do it? You seem to be able to escape even the most impossible-looking of situations! And you managed to put in a mention of me. The only question I have is... how?"

Harry smiled, sitting on a very comfortable chair, both hands on his cane, and head on his hands. "I do not mean to gloat, but I am Harry Potter, and that has its advantages in any case."

Sirius inclined his head. "That is true. That is very true."

"I feel a war coming, Sir Black. Life in general just feels darker. I wonder how Voldemort will attempt to kill me this year. So far... let's see, possession, possession and a basilisk, a deadly three-round tournament, and let's not forget during childhood. I wonder what this year's plot is? Personally, I'm hoping for a duel."

"Harry! Don't think that way." Sirius said, scandalized. "I can't imagine being you, having the weight of the world on my shoulders, nearly getting killed every year and escaping by the skin of my teeth."

Harry looked at the man, exasperated. "Thanks, Sir Black. That makes me feel so much better."


	2. The Gentleman's Detention

**The Gentleman Named Potter**

**One: The Gentleman's Detention  
**

"Good evening! We have two changes in staff this year. Professor Grubbly-Plank will be the teacher for Care of Magical Creatures while Professor Hagrid is on leave. And the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, we are pleased to welcome Professor Dolores Umbridge. Join me in wishing the Professor good luck. Now, as happens every year, our caretaker, Mr. Filch, has asked me to remind you-"

"Hem hem." Umbridge last, picking up her hand and standing up to make a speech.

"Madam Umbridge works for the Minister." Harry remarked off-hand.

No teacher had every disrupted Dumbledore before. The Headmaster himself was adept at hiding his surprise and stept aside, looking as though he desired nothing more than to hear her. McGonagall's lips were extremely thin and Sprout's eyebrows disappeared into her hair. The other students felt as though this woman did not know how Hogwarts worked. Harry, as prefect, was paying attention, even more so as the woman worked for the Ministry.

"Thank you, Headmaster, for those kind words of welcome. And how lovely to see your bright, happy faces smiling up at me. It is wonderful to be back at Hogwarts, I must say! I'm sure we'll all be very good friends."

"That's likely." Fred and George remarked sarcastically.

"The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards, such as yourselves, to be of vital importance. The gifts you all were born with may come to nothing if not honed through careful instruction and discipline. The skills the wizarding world possesses must be passed down generation to generation, lest they be lost for eternity. The chest of magical knowledge amassed by our ancestors must be, if nothing else, replenished, protected, and polished.

"Each Headmaster and Headmistress has brought something new to the task of governing this ancient school. That is as it should be, for without the progress, there would be stagnation and decay. But then, progress for the sake of progress must be discourage at times, lest it become too much to allow the ancient knowledge to survive in this time. Our tried and tested traditions often require no tinkering, yet must be polished and carefully pruned.

"As such, a balance between the old and new, tradition and innovation, permanence and change, must be established carefully by those that find it in there hands to perform. And while some changes may be for the better, others will be recognized, in time, to be errors of judgement. Meanwhile, some habits will be retained, whereas others, outmoded and worn, must be discarded. Let us then preserve what must be preserved, perfect what can be perfected, prune practices that ought to be prohibited, and move forward into an era of openness and effectiveness." Umbridge gave a teeny laugh again then went back to say.

"Thank you, Professor Umbridge, that really was most illuminating." Dumbledore said and Harry nodded.

Dumbledore continued his speech. "Pip pip! Bedtime." He said.

"First years! First years follow me!" Harry called down the table, pulling out his cane, and heading to Gryffindor Tower. As prefect, he and Hermione decided the password. "The password for the Tower is Mortus Semper. The password will change every month and a notice will be posted on the board. Do not tell students of other houses the password. After one week the notice announcing a new password will be removed. Now... Mortem Semper." Harry said and they entered Gryffindor Tower. Harry sat down on his favorite chair and most of the students looked to him. He was adept at picking up undertones and implications, and, not having that skill, the Gryffindor House respected him. First years, following the crowd, turned to Harry.

"Illuminating indeed. Madam Umbridge has revealed that she intends to remove Sir Dumbledore from his position as Headmaster, change the school to fit the Ministry's conception of an academy. In the layman's terms, she intends to interfere." Harry finished and waved the students off.

* * *

A paper bird was flying around the classroom. Various students were blowing it or hitting it. Harry himself shot a spark with his cane and the bird flew up high. The bird burned and landed on Parvati Patil's desk. Umbridge stood at the back of the classroom. "Good morning, children."

Umbridge walked forward, making precise movements with her wand at the board, which was writing Ordinary Wizarding Levels. "Ordinary... Wizarding... Level... Examinations. O.W.L., more commonly known as... OWLS!" She said, turning around to face the classroom. "Study hard, and you will be rewarded. Fail to do so, and the consequences may be... severe." Umbridge rapped her wand at her desk and piles of books flew out. Two books on each pile would land on a left and right-wise opposite desk. "Your previous instruction in this subject has been disturbingly..." A book slammed onto Harry's desk. "...uneven. You will be pleased to know that from now on we will be following a carefully-constructed, Ministry-approved course of defensive magic."

Harry had been skimming the book and put it back down, lifting his head up. "Madam Umbridge, there is nothing in this book about using defensive magic."

"Using magic? Ha ha! I can't imagine why you would need to use spells in my classroom."

"The point of Defense Against the Dark Arts is to learn defensive magic, and be able to actively use it if necessary in a fight between a Dark Wizard and one's self. If there is no way to learn how to actively use defensive magic, the course of Defense Against the Dark Arts becomes null and void."

"You'll be learning about defensive spells in a secure, risk-free way."

"This book has nothing in it about defensive spells except theory, let alone using defensive magic. This classroom is specifically intended for the use of defensive magic. This class is specifically intended to teach defensive magic, both theory and practical."

"This is a theory-based course. It is the view of the Ministry that a theoretical knowledge will be enough to pass your O.W.L.s."

"If that is your view, Madam, this class is useless, and will not prepare the school for what's out there."

"There is nothing out there, dear. Who do you imagine wants to attack children such as yourselves?"

"One returned Voldemort, a number of recruited Death Eaters, multiple mass murderers, several serial killers, and some rather unseemly werewolves who have chosen to use their transformation for all the wrong reasons." Harry replied calmly.

"Let me make this quite plain. You have told that a certain Dark wizard has returned from the dead and is at large one more. This... is... a... lie!"

"Madam, that is debatable. Even more so by the fact it is the view of the Ministry, which is not known for competency. If that is the case, Madam Umbridge, I can provide several memories of Voldemort for your pleasure. And if Voldemort has not returned, please do explain how Sir Cedric Diggory died."

"Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident."

"Yes, but how did it happen? Murder. Voldemort plainly used the Killing Curse. I could exactly recite what happened. Would you prefer that, Madam? I can offer much more proof that Voldemort returned that your Ministry can provide that he hasn't. We both know this, Madam Umbridge."

"ENOUGH!" Umbridge screamed. "Enough." She said, somewhat breathlessly. "Detention, Mr. Potter. My office."

* * *

Harry walked to the door, which opened without him needed to open it. He was walking and the door opened. His pace did not change. He sat down, bored.

"What will it be tonight, Madam Umbridge? Cauldron cleaning? Trophy polishing? Organizing last year's detentions?" Harry had his head held in a hand leaning on a small desk.

"No. You will be doing some lines today. Not with your quill. You're going to be using a rather special one of mine."

"Very well." Harry said, snatching the quill out of her hand. Umbridge walked and looked out the window. Harry begin to write. Umbridge waiting for the groans, mumbles, perhaps even screams. To her surprise, not a sound came out of Harry's mouth.

Harry never said yes to someone. He saw it as a submission, a weakness to say it. He preferred 'Very well.' The way he saw it, it was admission that he'll follow orders, but only for that time.

Umbridge walked over to him. "Is there a problem, Mr. Potter?" She asked with false kindness.

"Yes. This quill of yours doesn't write." Harry glared at the woman. Well, unless 'yes' could be used in a non-submissive fashion.

Umbridge snatched the quill and examined it. She put it back and pulled out a much larger quill. "Try this."

Harry grabbed it and wrote "Wasting time is your specialty." The words carved into his hand. Umbridge was using a Blood Quill and this made Harry angry. Harry stood up, dropping the quill on the ground, and then snapping it with his cane. Harry smiled cruelly and coldly.

"A Blood Quill, Madam Umbridge? Tut, tut. I'm certain the Headmaster will be interested on this new development." Harry said and then walked out of the room. Umbridge followed. "Potter, I order you to stop where you are!"

Harry continued to walked to the Headmaster's Office, Umbridge in tow. Harry stepped onto the gargoyle, Umbridge in tow, and the gargoyle moved. Harry stopped and waited for the gargoyle staircase to arrive at Dumbledore's office.

"Sir Dumbledore, I have a piece of rather interesting news for you. Madam Umbridge has used a Blood Quill as punishment."

Umbridge's eyes widened as she realized that, in trying to get Potter to stop, she effectively destroyed her position. However, she soon realized that Dumbledore's hands were, in effect, tied.

* * *

_Dolores Umbridge  
Has  
Been Appointed To  
The Position of  
HIGH INQUISITOR.  
_


	3. The Gentleman's Invitation

**The Gentleman Named Potter  
**

**3: The Gentleman's Invitation  
**

Harry took to watching Umbridge's interferance. The entire school was, in fact.

* * *

_"Having already revolutionized the teaching of Defense Against the Dark Arts, Dolores Umbridge will, as High Inquisitor, have the power to address the seriously falling standards at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." Minister Fudge said on the recent changes the Ministry is making to Hogwarts. We also asked several other persons._

_"Hogwarts is a school for learning under the fine leadership of Dumbledore! Hogwarts is a school, not an outpost of Cornelius Fudge's office!" Grizelda Marchbanks said angrily.  
_

_Whereas, when the Prophet asked concerned parent and prominent Ministry worker Lucius Malfoy, the response was favorable. "As a concerned parent, I approve of this. Albus Dumbledore, I fear, is not completely stable and should stop telling those despicable lies."_

* * *

Safe to say, within the Ministry, Umbridge was, for the most part, approved of. Harry remembered an incident a few weeks ago...

* * *

_"I am merely suggesting you conform to the prescribed disciplinary practices!" McGonagall said angrily as she and Umbridge walked up the stairs. Both stopped as Umbridge glared at McGonagall._

_"So silly of me, Minerva, but it sounded as though you were questioning **my **authority in **my** own classroom." Umbridge stepped up to the next step and said "Minerva." pointedly.  
_

_"No, merely your medieval methods!" McGonagall said. "Dolores." McGonagall walked onto the next step.  
_

_"I am a tolerant woman, but the one thing I will not stand for is disloyalty!" Umbridge said furiously.  
_

_"Disloyalty." McGonagall said in an amused voice, and stepped down. Umbridge took another step. "Things at Hogwarts are far worse than I feared. Cornelius will want to take immediate action."_

* * *

And then Umbridge became High Inquisitor, giving her the power to sack teachers and inspect their classes. Harry remember another humorous event...

* * *

_Professor McGonagall had marched into the room without any indication or acknowledgement of the High Inquisitor's existence. "Mr. Finnigan, come here and hand out the homework - Ms. Brown, pass out the the mice in this box - don't be silly, they're not going to hurt you-" _

_"Hem hem." Umbridge coughed. Seamus handed Harry his homework and Harry found he made an E, and received his mouse soon after.  
_

_"Listen closely - Mr. Finnigan if you do that to the mouse again I will put you in detention - a majority of you have successfully Vanished your snails, and even those left with an amount of shell have the gist of it, today we will be working on-"  
_

_"Hem hem." Umbridge coughed again.  
_

_"Yes?" McGonagall turned to Umbridge, eyebrows raised.  
_

_"I was just wondering if you had received my note telling you of the date and time-"  
_

_McGonagall cut her off. "Obviously I received it, if I had not, I would be questioning your presence in my classroom." McGonagall turned back. "Now, as I was saying, today, we will be practicing the altogether much more difficult Vanishment of mice-"  
_

_"Hem hem." Umbridge coughed yet again.  
_

_"I wonder," McGonagall said coldly, "how you intend to gain a usual idea of my teaching methods when you are incessantly interrupting me. You see, generally, when teaching, I do not allow others to speak when I am speaking."  
_

_Umbridge looked like she was slapped in the face. She straightened her parchment and scribbled furiously.  
_

_"Now, as I was attempting to say twice now, we will be performing the more difficult Vanishing of mice..."_

* * *

It was clear to everybody that the school hated Umbridge, with the exception of some of the Slytherins. Harry had called a House Meeting in Gryffindor as prefect.

* * *

I, Prefect Harry Potter,  
call a HOUSE MEETING.

All MEMBERS of Gryffindor  
are REQUIRED to attend.

The topic of this HOUSE MEETING  
will be PROFESSOR UMBRIDGE,  
and the PROPER ACTIONS to take in response  
to her REPREHENSIBLE ACTIONS.

* * *

The entire Gryffindor House, minus Professor McGonagall, was gathered inside the Common Room.

"This is a House Meeting on the proper actions to be taken in response to the reprehensible actions of Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic, Defense Against the Dark Arts, High Inquisitor, and if her actions continue, she may even become Headmistress."

Harry began to pace.

"We are the Gryffindor House, home of the brave and the courageous, those that honor justice and abhor those dark characters that wish harm upon other persons. Our sort of people do not often think, and that is the main issue with Gryffindor House."

People began to protest and boo.

"WAIT! There is a very simple way to solve this. Think before speaking! We do not need anymore detentions from Professor Umbridge. I am sure Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and even members of Slytherin feel the same way about Madam Umbridge. It is advisable to not protest, not rebel, and not perform any actions that can lead to a detention, from hereon known as a 'reprehensible action', from Umbridge.

"In ten days time, I will have a notation sent to all of you on the next step of action the Gryffindor house needs to perform. The message will be charmed to only open to the phrase, 'Umbridge is a pink toad'. Do not protest, do not charm, do not perform magic, follow her instructions, and most of all, do not prank."

Fred and George and Lee Jordan began to protest. "No pranking?" "You don't know what you're doing!" "That's bull!"

"Fred, George, Lee, you will get your chance. Umbridge will, eventually, cause Dumbledore to leave, and with Dumbledore, our greatest ally but also our biggest limitation, all pranksters will have Free Rein!"

Fred, George, Lee, began to cheer, and soon the entire Gryffindor house began to cheer.

"One last announcement: the new password is Death to the Pink Toad! House dismissed, that's all. Remember the message's activation phrase, 'Umbridge is a pink toad'. Don't rebel and don't protest! A good night to you all!" Harry shot a red spark out of his cane, followed by a gold spark, followed by several sparks. Harry pulled out his ruby wand and rearranged the sparks to create the Gryffindor House emblem. The entire House cheered.

A ways away in Ravenclaw Tower, a girl asked a boy a question. "What do you think is happening in Gryffindor Tower?"

"Something to do with Potter. We'll most likely find out soon enough."

* * *

The message first dropped in front of Lee. Following him, a slip of red and gold paper dropped in front of all the students at Gryffindor except Harry, Hermione, and Neville. Harry did an outrageous wink.

The message seemed to materialize a few feet above everybody's food, then promptly fell down.

"Umbridge is a pink toad." Fred whispered, and the house followed suit, hearing the person next to them whisper it.

_To the Person Who Just Insulted Madam Umbridge:_

_Please meet me at 3:00 on Saturday on the seventh floor, Hall of Hexes, dead end. Pace thrice while wishing to know what one emerald-caned gentleman is doing. Then enter the room. Please pass this message onto an other house table._

_An Anonymous Emerald_

That was the text of Harry's message. The message had multiple charms, as well. Those who supported Umbridge couldn't read it, teachers couldn't read it, the Headmaster couldn't read it, most importantly, Umbridge couldn't read it, no matter how many times she insulted herself.


	4. The Gentleman's Meeting of Houses

**The Gentleman Named Potter  
**

**3: The Gentleman's Meeting of Houses  
**

Thankfully, several Gryffindors took it upon themselves to spread the word. Every anti-Umbridge student in the school was gathered in the Room of Requirement.

"Welcome," Harry's voice boomed over the enlarged space, "to the Room of Requirement. Madam Umbridge has attacked our school: we, the defenders of Hogwarts, truth, justice, and philosophy, must retaliate in accordance to these dastardly measures.

"Our greatest ally is Professor Dumbledore. But his hands are tied in more ways in one: I heard a rumor he may lose a bet, thus meaning his hands will be tied with a rope, literally."

The entire body chuckled and laughed a few times.

"But, Professor Dumbledore is also the largest limit."

The students turned and murmured among them.

"Simply because he limits us. Madam Umbridge is hated by everyone except several Slytherins and Sir Filch. Dumbledore himself is prohibiting any action to be taken against her reprehensible actions.

"But Madam Umbridge is an ambitious person, and she loves power and glamor. I fully expect her, with a good enough reason, to take power from Sir Dumbledore. All she needs is a trigger... with the removal of Sir Dumbledore, it will be Free Rein! And I know just the trigger. Us! Form a Defense Against the Dark Arts club, then make sure Madam Umbridge accidentally 'overhears' a new meeting. She will break in, take me to Sir Dumbledore with the parchment, and it will be, if my guess is correct, exactly the trigger needed to kick Dumbledore out and give us Free Rein. We will be able to drive Madam Umbridge out of the school!"

There were several murmurs. "When?" A student piped up.

"Excellent question. Next week will be the first meeting. Madam Umbridge will overhear and get Sir Dumbledore out.

"Then, it is Phase one of Pink Toad Extermination. I act as though I am insane. My false insanity will imbue real insanity into the mentality of Madam Umbridge. The final act of the Phase will be a devilish one. I shall dress with multiple robes, armor, and jewelry and present the Horn of Oxralis. Umbridge will be chosen for the Uni-Toad Tournament.

"After that, we will lure her into false security, the beginning of Phase two. Then, it will be more insanity, and pranks!

"Phase two will be the shortest. During phase three, pranksters will be on free rein and anyone will be acting insane. Everyone would be a bonus, but not necessary.

"Phase Four will be the first and only challenge of the Uni-Toad Tournament, in which Umbridge will re-enter this hideout. She will be faced with hundreds of illusions, spells, charms, jinxes, hexes, wards, mazes, walls, big walls, big walls with scary faces, and more jinxes. She will go batty, St. Mungos will be contacted..."

Harry sighed in glee at his plan. "And so, the Legendary Extermination of Dolores Umbridge shall be written into every history book. It will fall into Hogwarts mythos. Students will tell the legend, passing it down from generation to generation, making it seem grander each time. Truly, it will be one for the history books.

"I'll need the greatest actors among us to come up here, please. You will learn your lines, perform them in front of me, perform them in the Great Hall inside here, perform them with me disguised as Umbridge, and then the act will be done for real..."

* * *

It was a huge and elaborate plan. Very complex, there were thousands of variables that could go wrong.

But Harry did not worry. He did not need to worry. He calculated every outcome: in any case, Umbridge will be removed. The school could be closed, Dumbledore could die, Fudge could be hit with a number of hexes... but either way, Umbridge wouldn't be a problem.

* * *

**AS** you can see, I have made a manipulative Harry! Quite an unusual twist, because normally it's Dumbledore that's manipulative. But I pride myself in ideas beyond the norm, and this is one of them. Manipulative!Harry! indeed! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I apologize for it's unusual shortness.

The next chapter will be something of a lot of drabbles. The 'Removal of Dumbledore', 'Uni-Toad Tournament', 'First Act', and then Voldemort's false vision of Sirius for Harry.


	5. The Gentleman's Stages

**The Gentleman Named Potter  
**

**Five: The Gentleman's Plan's Stages**

_The Removal of_ _Dumbledore_**  
**

The plan was executed perfectly. "The first meeting is on Wednesday." A Ravenclaw whispered to a Hufflepuff in earshot.

"Of what?"

"I've told you this too many times. The first meeting of Dumbledore's Army, remember? Potter will apparently be a general, or other such nonsense."

Umbridge listened in and a strike of fear went through her heart at hearing the 'Dumbledore's Army' part.

"How do you get there?"

The Ravenclaw sighed. "I've told you that countless times, too. Seventh floor, dead end at the Hall of Hexes - strange name if you ask me - pace thrice while wishing to access the base of Dumbledore's Army."

The Hufflepuff then got a bit angry. "Too loud! The ugly pink Ministry gargoyle hag-toad might hear! Act normal." The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw then departed the scene, whistling a tune.

On Wednesday...

As per the plan, everyone was late, except Umbridge. She brought Filch, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle and Nott with her, only to find Harry pacing and muttering angrily. "Where are they...?" He muttered loudly.

"Ah ha! Caught you Potter! To Dumbledore's Office, come with me..." Umbridge said jubilantly. Harry didn't try to escape, winking at Nott, who was the spy in the Inquisitorial Squad.

At Dumbledore's Office...

"As I've been telling you all along, Minister, Potter has his army!"

"Yes... yes... he'll be expelled..." The Minister muttered.

Dumbledore smiled. "Sorry, Minister, but the parchment clearly states Dumbledore's Army, not Potter's Army."

"So you've been plotting this all along, have you? Aurors... take him!" The Minister said.

Dumbledore's left eye twitched. "Ah, yes, I thought we might hit this snag." Actually, Dumbledore barely had the time to register his surprise while wondering what in the ninth level of hell was going on. "I could break out of Azkaban quite easily. But I have much better things to be doing; I think I'll be leaving. Like losing a Knut and finding a Galleon, isn't it? Harry won't disappear but on the other hand, I'm out of your hands, in more ways then one."

"Arrest him!" The Minister spluttered. Fawkes flew off his perch, a burst of light rang through out the room, the Minister, Shacklebolt, Dolohov, and Umbridge fainted, Dumbledore lifted his hands to reach Fawkes' tail and disappeared, all in the space of a second.

Harry observed the scene in front of him. Dolohov, Umbridge, Shacklebolt, and the Minister had fainted due to the actions of Albus Dumbledore, who broke the law, resisting 'justice' and disappeared; on the lam, so to speak.

Seeing nothing of any importance, Harry left the room humming a rather happy tune.

* * *

_The Uni-Toad Tournament_

Neville badly played the trumpet and assumed what he thought was a royal voice. "Harry Potter, Representative of the Emerald-Caned Gentlemen, holder of the Horn of Oxralis, Presenter of the Uni-Toad Tournament, and Headmaster of Sealscabies Acadastute for Codswallop and Balderdash, will now come forth to submit the candidates into the Horn for the Uni-Toad Tournament."

_Finally!_ Harry thought. He'd been floating the Horn in front of him for half of an hour now. The doors slowly burst open, revealing smoke, as Harry walked through. He'd practiced on stilts to make him look taller, and it was paying off. As was the multiple dramatic layers of clothing. Billowing cloaks, robes, and even an aqua blue scarf were billowing.

Harry conjured a table as the teachers looked on, astonish. Harry placed the Horn on the table and submitted the candidate. The Horn then played a horrible, screeching tune and trumpeted out a name.

"The toad for the Tournament has been chosen... would Croakores Toadbridge please present herself?" No one stood up, but Umbridge face began to redden. Harry grabbed Umbridge's wrist quickly and said "You'll do!" then raised her arm high into the air. "The toad has been chosen!"

Umbridge began to splutter. "What is going on? What is happening? And why are you calling me a TOAD?!" Umbridge seemed to take particular offense at it.

Harry smiled at her kindly and explained slowly, as though she were a simpleton or a small child. "You have been chosen to compete in the Uni-Toad Tournament. Consider yourself honored; this is and will be the only time in history that a Uni-Toad Tournament happens."

Umbridge began to growl. "Yes, well, Toady," ("TOADY?!") "spoons don't curse like they used to! Remember not to steal socks, and remember to have an extra bubble bath for bad luck tonight, heh heh, I'll be going now!" Harry began to run. The Horn of Oxralis exploded into confetti and fireworks (a special touch by Fred and George), the confetti of which landed on one angry Ministry gargoyle-hag, or Pink Toad, but most commonly known as, the Toad.

* * *

_First Act_

Umbridge was a very unstable person at this moment. However, her true moment when her fragile mind broke was nearing...

"DOLORES UMBRIDGE!" Harry's voice thundered over the Great Hall and Umbridge nearly leaped a foot into the air.

A nearby Hufflepuff whispered to a Ravenclaw. "The author's parodying cartoon physics here. The classic Fear Negates Gravity." The Ravenclaw shushed her. "Shut it! Have you ever heard what happens to people who break the fourth wall?" The Ravenclaw whispered.

"IT IS TIME FOR THE FIRST ROUND."

A Gryffindor muttered "And only, given the instability of Umbridge's mind. What a plot point..." A bolt of lightning then struck that person, who promptly fell down like a stone, unconscious.

"OF THE UNI-TOAD TOURNAMENT. YOU MUST ENTER THE DUNGEON LABRYINTH AND SEEK THE GREAT JEWELS OF POWER, SHADOW, AND MYSTERY."

"Why are they named that?" Malfoy muttered.

"SUCCEED AND RETURN. FAIL TO DO SO, AND THE CONSEQUENCES WILL BE SEVERE. YOU MUST SUCCEED IN RETRIEVING THE GREAT JEWELS OR YOU SHALL DIE, LOST FOREVER IN THE MAZE OF THE DUNGEON LABRYINTH."

It then came to the bellowing gentleman's attention that Umbridge was under the head table in a fetal position sucking her thumb.

Harry ducked his head under there, and then bellowed, mouth stretching to cartoon-like proportions, "COME OUT FROM UNDER THE TABLE! FACE YOUR QUEST, OR DIE DOING SO!" Harry smiled kindly as Umbridge's fragile mind broke.

"PROFESSO-ahem, sorry, Professor McGonagall, would you please fetch someone from St. Mungo's?" Harry asked. "Umbridge's fragile mind as finally broke."

* * *

_The False Vision_

_"You'll have to kill me." Sirius said, bound to a chair._

_"Oh, but I will. In due time. But first you must fetch me the prophecy." Voldemort stated with a grin. "Or else I shall do something unspeakably horrible."_

_"I would never betray Harry that way. I will not get your prophecy for you, you deranged lunatic!"_

_"You will. Or you will suffer severely."_

_"I would undergo a thousand deaths to protect my godson!"_

_Voldemort smiled nastily. "I can arrange that."_

_"Pooh!" Sirius spit on Voldemort, who made a face like a teenage girl. "My robes! You will suffer! CRUCIO! Crucio! Ha ha, this is fun! Crucio!"_

_Sirius grumbled under his breath. "I better get paid extra from the author..." _

_Voldemort only yelled "Crucio!" again._

* * *

__**I Fin**ally got the chapter number correct! This is five, not a second third. I do apologise for mixing up the chapter numbers like that, but I'm usually focusing less on the number and more on writing a brilliant story to be appreciated.

The next chapter will be more action, but breakages of the fourth wall and bound to occur, somehow. This story is humor and adventure after all, and this chapter is a majority of the humor. Sorry about Umbridge's insanity being less then what was expected, I'll eventually do a side story on her life at St. Mungos.

I hope you enjoyed!


	6. Fight

**The Gentleman Named Potter  
**

**Six: Fight**

Harry, Neville, Hermione, Luna, Fred, and George were currently flying towards the Ministry of Magic to the Deparment of Mysteries, specifically, the Hall of Prophecies.

Harry knew it would be a fight for the future. He only made a token protest against the other five coming, but they overrode his concerns.

It was time to fight for the future.

* * *

There it was. Prophecy 181, Hall 2-B.

_Sybill Patricia Trelawney to Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore  
Prophecy regarding subjects  
Tom Marvolo Riddle and Harry James Potter_

That was what the identifying plaque said.

"Very good." Lucius Malfoy's voice broke into the hallway. "Now hand me the prophecy." The senior Malfoy's voice was a slick as ever. Harry's eyes narrowed. Predictably, Voldemort fell for the trick that Harry fell for his trick. A very good trick.

Harry picked up the prophecy, supporting it on five fingers of his hand, rather then grasp it in his fist.

"You want the prophecy for Tom, do you not? Then again, you may as well have just confessed you are loyal to Voldemort. You'd be interested to know that Voldemort is, roughly translated, 'Flight from Death'. It showcases his only fear quite obviously, in fact, Voldemort's greatest fear is death. Tom is a fool will delusions of grandeur." Harry stated.

"Ickle Potter knows how to play." Bellatrix Lestrange drawled as she approached on Malfoy's left side. "Itty, bitty, baby Potter."

Harry smiled coldly. "Bellatrix Lestrange, was it? How did Azkaban suit you? I imagine horribly, as you look like a once beautiful woman, who has since deteriorated into a hag."

This made Bellatrix angry. "A HAG?!" She screeched, spittle flying from her mouth. Malfoy held his arm out, stopping her.

"Let's all... just... settle... _down._" Malfoy said, lowering his hands. "Give me the prophecy, and I will not hurt your friends."

Harry laughed. It was a cold laugh, full of mocking and mirth. "You really believe that your little taunts threaten me? I'm more afraid when faced with the prospect of eating custard pie!" Harry laughed again.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Hermione hissed.

"Taunting, mocking, and infuriating them into blind rage. Ordinarily I wouldn't do it, but I'd really like to get out of here." Harry hissed back.

Harry rapped his cane on the ground and a pulse of magic knocked the Death Eaters down. "Run!" Harry yelled as he took off to the left with Hermione. Neville and Luna took off the way they came, while Fred and George began to run to the right, occasionally shooting spells behind them.

Death Eaters had a dark form of Apparition. One was right next to Harry, Rabastan Lestrange's face and part of his body blending with the dark trail from it, laughing. Harry withdrew his diamond wand and shot a spell at the surprised Lestrange, who Apparated away.

They all crashed in a location and made a circle. Death Eaters surrounded them. "On the count of three, run." Harry said, raising his diamond wand and pointing it to a shelf leg. "Reducto." Harry intoned. "Three!" Harry said and they ran as thousands of prophecies began to fall.

"Back to the door!" Harry called and they gave a turn into a door and fell, stopping for a moment, then landing on the ground.

In the center was a curtain. "I hear voices..." Harry said.

"There's nothing there, Harry." Hermione said nervously, looking around.

"I hear them too." Luna said, approaching.

They heard a bang. "People, gather around me." Harry said, raising his cane toward the door.

More dark Apparitions appeared, obscuring view. Then, the Dark Apparitions appeared.

Various Death Eaters had Harry's friends in a death grip, wands at throat. All except Malfoy.

"Now... give me the prophecy, and we will not hurt your friends." Malfoy said, reaching his hand out. Harry reached the prophecy in hand, as his four extra wands slowly floated up, forming a parallelogram. Harry dropped the prophecy and incanted "Pulsus!" Knocking the Death Eaters off their feet and gathering his friends.

Just then, in opposite color Apparitions (white), the Order of the Phoenix appeared.

"That was convenient." Harry said before directing the wands to start shooting spells at the Death Eaters. Harry hadn't ever dueled using five magical tools, and he certainly didn't want to at that time, but it was necessary at the time. Harry slowly floated the wands back into it.

"Plot point!" Remus yelled and Harry blinked twice before continuing to duel.

Somehow, he and Sirius got drawn into a duel with Rabastan Lestrange and Malfoy Sr. At this point Harry was mainly using the ruby wand, however, he rapped his emerald cane and hit Rabastan Lestrange, leaving only the slippery Malfoy. "Nice one, Harry!"

Harry shrunk the base of his cane and used it as a very large wand and began to blast Malfoy. Bellatrix suddenly appeared behind Sirius just as Malfoy fell and she span her wand in the air before pointing it at Sirius, yelling "Avada Kedavra!"

The green light hit Sirius, the ghost of his last laugh etched on his face. Sirius then fell through the Veil and his body disappeared.

"Sirius..." Harry whispered, eyes wide. His eyes hardened and he chased Lestrange, "STUPEFICUM!" Harry shouted, using the cane, but she deftly blocked it, barely.

"Go on, Harry... she deserves it... do it... she hurt you..." Voldemort whispered.

"Voldemort." Harry intoned, emotionless.

Voldemort materialized in front of Harry.

"You should not have come here. I can feel the Aurors coming soon."

Voldemort smirked. "By which time I will be gone... you will be dead."

"You are a fool to fear death... Tom. There are far more ways to cause pain..."

"There is no greater horror than death!" Voldemort yelled as Dumbledore appeared through the Floo.

"This will not be decided through words. Let us duel!" Harry said and sent a Stupefy at Voldemort, who only used an 'Avada Kedavra!' causing Harry to return with a Stupefy.

This angered Voldemort, has he let out a horrible yell, destroying thousands of windows and the Fudge portrait in the Atrium. The glass all fell to the ground, but then Voldemort raised his arms and the glass began speeding towards Harry with a deadly swiftness.

Harry waved his cane-wand and created a shield, then levitated Voldemort into the water, before unsteadily lifting Voldemort, who raged and threw something of a temper tantrum inside before breaking out and unleashing Fiendfyre, in the forms of dragon and basilisk.

"Declivere!" Harry incanted, and the dragon and basilisk bounced on it, shaken. "Diordum Ignis!" Harry called taking control of the Fiendfyre and sending the fire back to its creator. Harry chuckled and Voldemort may have steamed, withdrawing water from the ground and floor to douse the fiendfyre.

Voldemort disappeared and Harry felt his mind being intruded by the same dark, delusional megalomaniac that had disappeared a split-second ago.

Harry gripped his head as his cane clattered to his side. Harry fell to his knees as he struggled to keep back Voldemort. Harry subconsciously growled and created a Maracawl in his mind to give Voldemort bad luck.

Harry constantly reconstructed his shields and made ones that pushed Voldemort out until Voldemort was out. "Get.. out... of... my... mind!" Harry yelled.

Voldemort materialized and looked down at Harry. "You are a fool, Harry Potter... and in the end, you shall lose..." Voldemort cruelly mock-bowed, wand outstretched when Harry turned around and punched Voldemort where the creep's nose was supposed to be.

The Minister and various Aurors appeared and Voldemort's eyes widened as he disappeared.

"Voldemort - he's back - he's really back -" The Minister spluttered.

The fight was over. And for the moment, the Light had won.

* * *

**An**d that ends this fanfiction! I will post a side-story as a seventh chapter in a few days, detailing the marvellous adventures of Dolores Umbridge, St. Mungos, Insanity Ward.


	7. Extra: The Adventures of Umbridge

**The Gentleman Named Potter  
**

**Extra: The Adventures of Umbridge**

The transfer to St. Mungos was unusual in itself, for Umbridge would constantly chant, in a strange accent that made her voice seem breathless, on the verge of death, and a very loud whisper, "Dark! Dark! Shadows destroying! Fallen! Fallen! They are the fallen! Never shall attack defend! Fingo funi! Limbo Leezi!" And the chant would start over again.

* * *

Then Umbridge would constantly flirt with her new doctor, Dr. Doregald. "Your outfit is sharp. Like a battleship. Leaving thousands to drown at sea. So sharp!" Flirting went downhill from there. "Give me that! I need a new toothpick! Hand me that outfiiiiiiiiiiit!" Umbridge shrieked, grabbing at the outfit.

"What have I done to deserve this..." Doregald asked, panting, in his office upon escaping the room.

**Plot point! A loud voice boomed from the heavens.**

"Of course." Doregald muttered and began to fill out his resignation form.

* * *

It took quite some time for Doregald to resign, as St. Mungos was short on pyschosomethingists. Or physiosomethingists. Mind Healers. That's it.

It was with a breath of relief that, after one year, he could finally leave. However Umbridge's mind was on a particularly cruel and devious streak, and Doregald lazily forgot to close the door. Umbridge waited until dusk, then sneaked out and stole a wand.

She then began to cackle loudly and shoot sparks as she ran down the hallways, screaming about spoons, forks, and knifes.

Umbridge then took a broom from the broom cupboard (a Comet 260) and leaped on it, cackling like a madwoman. The search for Umbridge had began.

* * *

For some very unusual reason, Aurors found Umbridge, after months of looking, living in Azkaban, chatting animatedly with a Dementor.

"What did you think would happen to that Strange? She would live? She died, my demented friend, during the battle."

"Huuuhhh... Huuuhhh... Wahhhh... Huuuhh..." The Dementor breathed.

"No, her husband didn't live either."

"Huuuuuuuuuhhh..."

"Nor her cousin."

The Aurors, gobsmacked, recovered and placed Umbridge under medical arrest. "Dolores Umbridge, put your hands up and submit. We're escorting you to St. Mungos!"

"Dolores Umbridge? I'm Croaky Toadhead!" Umbridge said, standing on her hands with her feet in the air.

One of the Aurors sighed, stunned 'Croaky Toadhead', and dragged her by the feet. Surprisingly, she broke from the Stun a few seconds later and her long fingernails dragged on the stones. At the door, she lifted her hand and said "I'll never forget you, Orjup-Demen Torblack!" She cried like a bemoaned woman separated from lover.

The Dementor, 'Orjup-Demen Torblack', breathed mournfully.

* * *

"Now. Dolores." The new mind healer began.

"It's CRAOKY! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU PEOPLE!" She screamed.

"You spelled Croaky wrong."

"I didn't write anything."

"Err... sorry, then. Never mind that bit. What is your name?"

"Croaky Toadhead."

"Now, you see, a long time ago, you were Dolores Umbridge. Then something inside of you snapped, and you became Croaky Toadhead."

"You must be delusional, my good man. Now be quiet and get me a straitjacket for a walrus, a horse, and a whiz-whiz."

"What is a whiz-whiz?"

"One of those cleaning things they use to play games underground."

"Err... do you mean a broom in the air?"

"No, I mean a whiz-whiz underground."

"Right." The Mind Healer said disbelievingly. For some reason, the state of Umbridge's mind was that of a small child. "Now, as I was saying..."

"NOOOOO!" Umbridge/Toadhead screamed.

* * *

Umbridge had gotten ahold of a wand and was in the mood for a game show. She charmed plenty of things and invited a few guests. Several doctors arrived and the room transformed.

"Hi, and welcome to Potions Quizzezes! My name is Croakores Toadbridge, and I will be your host. First, Snabbly Corking, who enjoys taunting and making lists! Second, Dokrerblagmageddy Gucking, who likes to stick her tongue out! Third, Jeremiah Crackpotted, who has no known hobby, hooby, or nose!"

Crackpotted looked rather angry, whereas Gucking stuck her tongue out, and Corking just taunted.

"Crackpotted, identify this!"

"Draught of Living Death."

"Congratulations! You win thirteen forks! Gucking, identify this!"

"Polyjuice Potion."

"Excellent! You win twenty-eight bananas! Corking, identify."

"That's not a potion."

"Correct! You win a bent-out-of-shape paperclip and several woman's pink pants! For an extra cha-prize, identify what this is!"

Gucking made a beep noise and said "Baby Barf Green Nail Polish, 2-B!"

"Wonderful! You win a very large, very big pot! And a big rock."

* * *

Umbridge was attempting to declare herself a sovereign nation.

_And therefore, by the decision of me, myself, I, and the mean frog lady in my head, I declare myself, Croaking Toadbridge, to be a sovereign and independent frog from Great Britoad. As such, the only person allowed to declare law and order unto myself is myself, me, I, and the mean frog lady in my head. Therefore, the Republic of Saint Mungyhos has no authority over me, myself, I, although I would appreciate it if the doctor removed the mean frog lady in my head to the out of my head._

_As such, the first law for the Kingdom of Great Toadbridgian Toads, is that any chicken may cross a street, road, way, boulevard, driveway, highway, expressway, route, trail, path, terrace, and drive without its motives being questioned in any way, shape, form, or cellular organism._

That was the end of Umbridge's decleration. The lobbyist sent a Reducto at it, only to find it didn't work. Umbridge grinned widely. "Never again shall I suffer such injustices as a man named Fudge, or Dumb-as-a-door!"

Umbridge's fourth doctor rolled his eyes.

* * *

"My SOCKS!" Umbridge screamed whenever someone new entered the room. Of course, contradictory she would then begin to throw socks, pants, and any clothing in her immediate vicinity at the visitor.

Then Umbridge would start bawling and begging for socks. No visitor left her room without a missing sock on their left foot. No one knew how that left sock went missing...

* * *

Umbridge had a fairly stable mind, if not a totally sane one. As such, she had to stay within St. Mungos. She had gone through seven healers before her mind was stable. Unfortunately, she wasn't sane. After a decade and a half, everyone doubted she'd ever be completely sane again. Or like her old self.

However, she stopped hating children. This lead her to get a job at the gift shop, and she eventually managed the gift shop, even adding a cafeteria. In a way, Umbridge did, eventually, redeem herself. She completely forgot her life before Hogwarts. Even Potter...

"Hello, Madam, I'd like some gifts for my child, he's in one of the wards." Harry couldn't put his finger on it, but something about the manager was familiar.

"Right away. What's the age of your child, gender, and ward? I can have it delivered. I could also order the main cafeteria if your child has special needs, though it's likely you already informed them." The lady said.

"My name is Harry Potter, gentleman, and my son's name is Gary, male, and is in the severe magical creature-induced injuries. His age is about three."

The woman frowned. "What could have attacked him?"

"I do not know. Out of curiosity, what is your name?"

"Dolores Umbridge, sir, manager of the gift shop." Whenever doing business, the tiny insane part of her mind hid itself away. "I've lived here for as long as I can remember. Nowadays I work in here, selling gifts and food.

Harry thought quite a bit and shrugged it off. "Thank you, Madam Umbridge." Harry thanked as the woman directed him over to the three-year-old's isle.

* * *

It was nothing's well that somehow-manages-to end well for Umbridge. She redeemed herself eventually. She lived out the rest of her days as the manager of the gift shop.

However, something about the gentleman, Harry Potter, that ringed in her memory. Something about a scar...

* * *

**An**d I manage to end the story with the last word being scar, just like good ol' J.K. Rowling! Anyway, I was quite happy to have Umbridge redeemed, her mind basically shattered and gradually rebuilt itself. I hope you enjoyed her adventures, as it is the end of this AU.


End file.
